Friends

I am sure someone who reads this blog also watches Parenthood with the same passion I do. I am regularly blown away by the show's realistic portrayal of life with a special needs child and my favorite segments are always those that focus on Adam, Kristina and Max Braverman. But beyond liking the show because I relate to it, I think it’s well done and I would be a fan even if Max didn’t remind me of Sam so often.

Max has Asperger's. As most kids with it do, he has a hard time fitting in and while he wants friends, until recently he just didn’t have the social skills needed to form significant friendships. It’s heartbreaking for his parents and I often relate to their plight. In a recent episode (called Tough Love) Max became friends with a boy in a wheelchair. They both like video games and seem to understand each other’s quirks. For their first play date, the other boy’s parents brought their son over to the Braverman's and you could see how excited all four parents were that their children had connected with another kid. I watched this episode with tears streaming down my cheeks; the scene was so real and I was right there in Kristina’s head and heart while she breathed a sigh of relief.

I like being busy and try to keep our family booked up all weekend. Some plans are with the kids, some are not. But I love spending time with friends and I hate sitting in our house for too long. Ben is just like me in this way. He’s got a bunch of best friends who he adores hanging out with but he will play with anyone. Anywhere. Except for girls. They are still the enemy.

I share all this not to brag about my fabulous social prowess, but so that you can understand that my expectations for Sam are high. They are probably too high for some typical kids without any social challenges. And they’re definitely too high for poor Tom who tags along with a smile but would love to sit still for an entire weekend. I think after 17 years he’s started to accept that it’s just not going to happen.

While Sam has always had a few friends, until recently he would always choose an afternoon home alone over a play date. This made me crazy. I wished he cared more about other kids and that he enjoyed their time together. I have worked hard on the friendships he has; I am an obsessive planner and focus on scheduling one or two play dates for him each week. And he always has fun when they happen. They’re just not his priority no matter how hard I try.

Until now.  All of the sudden Sam is asking for play dates with new boys. Ones that he’s been in class with all year, but never even mentioned. Hardly able to contain my excitement I emailed one mother and crossed my fingers that her son wanted to come over. He did. And they had a great time. And Sam asked for another play date immediately. They’re playing again tomorrow. I couldn’t be happier.