Friends

I am sure someone who reads this blog also watches Parenthood with the same passion I do. I am regularly blown away by the show's realistic portrayal of life with a special needs child and my favorite segments are always those that focus on Adam, Kristina and Max Braverman. But beyond liking the show because I relate to it, I think it’s well done and I would be a fan even if Max didn’t remind me of Sam so often.

Max has Asperger's. As most kids with it do, he has a hard time fitting in and while he wants friends, until recently he just didn’t have the social skills needed to form significant friendships. It’s heartbreaking for his parents and I often relate to their plight. In a recent episode (called Tough Love) Max became friends with a boy in a wheelchair. They both like video games and seem to understand each other’s quirks. For their first play date, the other boy’s parents brought their son over to the Braverman's and you could see how excited all four parents were that their children had connected with another kid. I watched this episode with tears streaming down my cheeks; the scene was so real and I was right there in Kristina’s head and heart while she breathed a sigh of relief.

I like being busy and try to keep our family booked up all weekend. Some plans are with the kids, some are not. But I love spending time with friends and I hate sitting in our house for too long. Ben is just like me in this way. He’s got a bunch of best friends who he adores hanging out with but he will play with anyone. Anywhere. Except for girls. They are still the enemy.

I share all this not to brag about my fabulous social prowess, but so that you can understand that my expectations for Sam are high. They are probably too high for some typical kids without any social challenges. And they’re definitely too high for poor Tom who tags along with a smile but would love to sit still for an entire weekend. I think after 17 years he’s started to accept that it’s just not going to happen.

While Sam has always had a few friends, until recently he would always choose an afternoon home alone over a play date. This made me crazy. I wished he cared more about other kids and that he enjoyed their time together. I have worked hard on the friendships he has; I am an obsessive planner and focus on scheduling one or two play dates for him each week. And he always has fun when they happen. They’re just not his priority no matter how hard I try.

Until now.  All of the sudden Sam is asking for play dates with new boys. Ones that he’s been in class with all year, but never even mentioned. Hardly able to contain my excitement I emailed one mother and crossed my fingers that her son wanted to come over. He did. And they had a great time. And Sam asked for another play date immediately. They’re playing again tomorrow. I couldn’t be happier.

Mrs. Holland

If you’ve been reading for a while, you know that I love Sam’s teacher. Mrs. Holland is everything I could wish for in a second grade teacher. She understands Sam and appreciates his quirks. She’s able to take his challenges and morph them into strengths. And she loves him. There’s nothing a parent likes more than someone who agrees that her kid is awesome.

An extra perk is that since she was his kindergarten teacher, she knows intricacies of his personality that she might not know if she only met him 6 months ago. They have a history together and he trusts her completely.

Sam was in Mrs. Holland’s class when he went on Ritalin. She was amazed at how it improved his focus; she’s been a big supporter of our choice.  She knows all about Brain Balance and has been an active partner – keeping us updated regarding any relevant changes she sees in the classroom.

A few weeks ago, Sam forgot to take his medication and I emailed to warn her. She didn’t get to the email till the end of the day and when she did, she was relieved that there was a simple explanation for his challenging day.

This morning, she sent me an email with no text. Just a title: 

Forgot his meds today?

I checked the breakfast table and the pill was gone. Phew. I emailed her back:

lol. sadly, no. is he crazy?

After school, she responded:

Ha. No, not crazy just very silly. He also had a tough time focusing but not like he used to. He used to kind of zone out. this wasn't like that at all. He followed directions and was able to do his work independently. he just got unfocused from all of his giggling:). His handwriting also wasn't like it usually is. That is probably just from the giggling. 

Nothing to worry about. I don't want u to think he had a bad day bc he didn't at all. He had a good day, just had a case of the giggles:)

Not one to worry about a day of giggles, I forgot about it.  

On our way to Brain Balance, I asked Sam how his day was. He said it was good but that he laughed a lot.  Did you take your pill today? I asked. Nope, I found it in my pocket when we were packing up. 

At a stoplight, I wrote her back:

Turns out he had it in his pocket. Stinker.

Within five minutes she sent this back:

Ha! I will say that the meds do help and he definitely benefits from them, but seeing him off them also let's me see that as he gets older he might do fine without them (and I am saying this w/o any medical degree whatsoever:). 

His focus struggle is different than it was just 2 yrs ago. He was able to do his work on his own, complete it with just a quick refocus and did follow directions. He does better on the meds and for now, "if it ain't broke don't fix it" but I wouldn't be surprised if this was not a lifelong thing. 

Is this improvement because he’s two years older? or because of all the work he’s doing? or a combination of both?

I don’t think there’s a way to know but regardless, I will take emails like these any day over the awful reports his preschool teacher used to spit out as I drove away from pickup crying. But I will save that drama for another post. For now, let’s just focus on the positive – Sam is doing great. Mrs. Holland is the best teacher ever. Brain Balance seems to work. American Idol is on. I love Ryan Seacrest.