Humbled

So if you’ve been reading this blog from the beginning, you probably think that I believe in Brain Balance. That I trust them and I think that they know what they’re doing. 

And until yesterday, I thought I did too.

But it turns out I still wasn’t completely sold; part of me feared that it would all turn out to be hocus pocus. I worried that I was just another fool who bought a bridge that wasn’t really for sale.

But as of last night at 610pm, things changed. I am a true believer. I am drinking the kool aid as I type.

Are you sitting on the edge of your seat yet? I hope I don’t disappoint but I have to hold off on the juicy part and start off with a little boring background.

Since Sam started the program and the dairy elimination, Brain Balance Corporate changed their elimination policy - it was eliminate for 90 days. They revised it to 30 days. Why? Casey and Betsy both tried to explain the rationale to me and I still don’t quite get it. I guess Corporate now believes that 30 days is enough for some kids. And if a child reintroduces and it doesn’t work, they just eliminate for a little longer. When I heard about this change, I was really annoyed. It conflicted with what I was told when Sam started and the glass half full in me couldn’t help but wonder if it was a marketing decision more than one based on research – it’s got to be easier to sign parents up when they only think they’ll be eliminating for 30 days. As soon as I heard about the change, I asked if Sam could reintroduce now. If the newbies could do it at 30 days and Sam had been off dairy for 45 (plus the 21 days before the dreaded Doritos incident), wasn’t it worth a try? They suggested that he wait a little longer. Holding off didn’t make a lot of sense to me and seemed to contradict the new Corporate policy but I went along with it and tried to convince myself that since he made it this far, what’s another 45 days?

And I made it for a couple more weeks but this weekend, my resolve broke. Sam was going to a friend’s birthday dinner and I wanted him to be able to eat whatever was served – especially the cake. I am so sick of burdening other mothers with this and didn’t want to make her check to see what was dairy free on the menu. I was just done. He had been off dairy for 53 days + 21 days.  According to the new policy, he was ready.  According to the old policy, he was close to ready. And I was so ready. Probably even more so than him. 

But he was pretty excited when I told him what he could do – the promised reintroduction!  What does that mean exactly? One dairy day – no going overboard; a reasonable amount. And then back off it for seven days to observe both how he felt physically and how he behaved. Would any of the old behaviors resurface? He didn’t go dairy crazy. In 24 hours, he had cake, a little bit of a milkshake and pizza. He LOVED it all and his smile, which brimmed with satisfaction, made breaking the rules totally worth it. As I put him to bed on Sunday, I warned him that he was back off dairy for the week. If he didn’t feel sick and the inattention didn't return, he could add it back next weekend. He was sad but agreed. He makes this so easy.

When we got to Brain Balance Monday night, he headed back to his session and I went straight to Casey's office to unload my conscience. 

We reintroduced, I confessed.

OK. How bad?

Not so bad. And I told her what he ate.

OK. So now we need to watch him. How’s he been so far?

Totally fine. I didn’t see anything at home. He was on at his basketball game. I asked his teacher and she said he was the same.

That’s all great. But you won’t really see an impact on his behavior till Tuesday or Wednesday.  So keep watching. And I love that you’re talking to his teachers. Keep doing it.

OK.

Being reprimanded gracefully by someone almost 20 years younger was a little humbling but I kept picturing Sam’s smile and made it through in one piece.

-Monday night, he was still the new and improved Sam.

-Tuesday morning, holding steady.

-Tuesday school. They never would have said anything if I didn’t ask, but now that I did, it was not a great day. He was a little more distracted than they’ve seen lately. Hmm. So not what I wanted to hear. But maybe just a coincidence.

-Tuesday 525pm. We walk into basketball practice. I'm a tiny bit nervous. But I tell myself there’s no way that I will see anything that significant.

-Tuesday 610pm. We walk out of basketball and I am flabbergasted. That was crazy. The old Sam showed up. He couldn’t focus. He was all over the place. He didn’t follow directions. His body was like a limp strand of spaghetti. The coach had to repeat each direction. It made me cringe. I couldn’t believe it. I love the old Sam but I didn’t miss him and I really thought he was gone. Casey was right. She said if it was going to happen, it would be today. Holy cow. I guess she really knows what she's talking about.

-Tuesday 7pm. Sam is on the phone with Tom. His wild eyes have returned (I actually forgot about those). He’s kind of frenetic. He’s a little out of control. I am so sad. I’m shocked. I tell him to go to bed and I sit stunned on the couch trying to digest (ha!) all that I saw tonight.

-Wednesday morning. He’s ok. Maybe he was just off last night.

-Wednesday after school. My beloved Mrs. Holland sent me this email:

I spent some quality time with Sam today during writing and I did notice a difference. Not anything drastic, but a change. I did need to call him over 2x, while the "BB Sam" only needed one call. I did need to repeat myself when I asked a question to the whole class but called on Sam. He focused on his work but was a bit more disorganized than he has been recently. I had noticed that he had been spending more time on detail when he illustrated, but today he was done quickly.

Starting last week we changed the way we line up. Time and time again he went straight to his spot and even reminded others where they go. Two times today, I needed to remind him that we line up in ABC order.

He is still doing better in all areas, including focusing, than he did in the beginning of the year. But yesterday and today have not been as good as a few weeks ago.

I am such a skeptic. I don’t want to believe that this behavior is connected to the reintroduction dairy. I want a froyo date with my little man. I’m terrified that these old behaviors, that I thought were gone, are right there hiding under the surface. But there’s no denying it. There has to be a connection.

I shared this all with Casey at tonight’s session. Not surprisingly, he’s back off dairy. He took it like a champ. He’ll try reintroduction again in four more weeks. Fingers crossed that it works better next time. But for now, I need to stop moping and relish the fact that the bridge I bought was actually for sale. Who would have thought?